


The Dark Future

by Elendil_Anduril



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Major Character Injury, Red Lyrium Cullen, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:49:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4444064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elendil_Anduril/pseuds/Elendil_Anduril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the Inquisitor and Dorian didn't find Leilana in the dark future discovered in "Hushed Whispers"? What if it was another advisor, one who should have succumbed to the infection of the Red Lyrium in the dungeons of Redcliffe, but somehow held on? What will happen when she has to allow him to sacrifice his life in order to save hers, and in turn, the future of all of Thedas? Will she let him? How can she not?...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escaping the Dark Future

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a thought experiment I had several months ago while I was riding in the car listening to the Dragon Age Inquisition soundtrack. One of the best tracks on that album is "Sacrifice", the music from the scene where Leilana gives up her life to save the Inquisitor's, but I got to thinking... What would it be like if a certain Commander Cullen was found there instead of Leilana? There are a lot of issues with his actual survival in that dark future possibility, but, hey, that's what fan-fiction is for, right? 
> 
> Definitely taking a dive into AU territory. There will be a major character death and a touch of angst, and hopefully eventually Some fluff.

Green hung over the ripped open sky above Aeryn through the hole in the ceiling. This wasn’t right…

Aeryn Trevelyan had only been in this dark future for only a few hours and that was enough. Alexius was a crumpled heap on the floor, swiftly brought to his death by the assassination of his zombie-like son.

Aeryn paused in her pacing before the dais of Redcliffe to glance over her shoulder wearily at the crimson glowing ex-Templar prowling the locked door across the room. Red lyrium sprouted from his shoulders, creating a menacing aura around him. Even with his back turned, Aeryn could feel the goosebumps grow throughout her skin at the broken man before her.

How he has survived this long was beyond her. She would have thought that him being a Templar- well ex-Templar, the Commander would have fallen to the madness that the red lyrium brings on. Though she could see that the Commander was edging near the precipice of insanity, he still kept his wits about him. The only sign beyond the crystals growing from his body was the slight tremble his upper body couldn’t repress.

Aeryn shuddered at the thoughts of what the lyrium was doing to him and turned her gaze back to the Tevinter fiddling with Alexius’ amulet. The castle reverberated slightly beneath their feet, a preamble to what would be coming through the far door soon enough.

“How much longer, Dorian?” Aeryn tried to mask the desperation growing in her voice, moving toward him.

“Not long now. Have a little faith in me, my sweet,” his precocious mustache turned up in a confident smirk toward the slightly trembling mage beside him. Aeryn tried to return his smile, but found that she beginning to curl within herself, trying to vainly escape what horrors would be coming for her.

The Commander growled softly into the room, hand flying to his sword strapped to his side, unsheathing it in a flash of brilliant silver, “Whatever you’re planning on doing, you better do it fast! They’re also here.”

Aeryn found herself looking toward the Commander, clothed in his old armor, albeit without his trademark mantle. She was drawn inexplicitly to his side, staff at the ready.

“They’re fighting Cassandra and Varric,” she whispered breathlessly, twisting her fingers of her right hand around supple wood of her staff. The commotion outside rumbled the large stone doors before them.

“When they break through, make sure you stay close to Dorian. I don’t think I can hold them for longer than a few moments,” Cullen gritted out as he began to bend down into a predatory stance. “You have to stay alive, Aeryn. No matter what, you have to go back and stop this from ever happening,” his eyes turned to hers and softened a little as he peered into her stormy gray eyes. Aeryn beheld above her the glowing embers of his red lyrium addled eyes, and her heart broke. Suddenly, she lost her calm mantle that she took up once she had first stepped through the time portal. This was the first time that the Commander had not called her “Herald” or “My lady”, and she hated that it was this moment when he decided to use her given name.

“Come with us,” Aeryn found her voice after a moment, barely above a breath. The Commander’s eyes lit up in surprise at her words. Aeryn found tears had begun to sting in her eyes as she turned to face the man, “Come back with us. I can’t leave you to… to…” To die was her unfinished sentence. She knew it was a ludicrous idea, especially since there would be two Cullen Rutherfords and that would be just confusing, and also to the fact that sooner, rather than later, he would succumb to the effects of the lyrium, but desperation tinged her thoughts, not sense.

“I can’t,” the Commander firmed stated, “You know I can’t.”

Aeryn found herself once again withdrawing into her sorrow, the events of the day beginning to take its toll on her. All of her friends were either dead or red lyrium addled. When she disappeared from the throne room one year earlier, the world fell to ruin. An Elder One had taken control of Thedas, allowing a cult called the Venatori to descend upon the ruined countries of the world. The Inquisition was quickly eliminated after their Herald disappeared. Her advisors pushed their troops to try and take back the castle, but the fortress was impregnable to their attempts, leaving only the few leaders and companions who survived to torture, mutilation, and an eventual and grateful death.

Aeryn and Dorian fell upon each of the remaining companions: Varric and Cassandra, who had originally accompanied her to the keep to speak to the Tevinter Magister who had taken control of the Rebel Mages held in the city. They had found Commander Cullen chained in cell to a pillar of red lyrium, mumbling senselessly the Chant of Light. Aeryn almost fell apart then and there when she saw a man whom had always seems so powerful, now so broken before her. But she found it in herself to hold it back, using her despair to fuel her drive to find a way to reverse this future. This future could never come to pass.

Aeryn was beginning to lose herself completely when a calloused hand gingerly ghosted over her cheek. Her eyes darted back to his in shock at his light touch, tears streaming down her face without anything to stop them except for the slightly glowing hand that rested on the apple of her cheek.

“Be strong,” he whispered, “Fix this and forget.” He wiped away a falling tear with his forefinger and allowed his hand to cup her face as the world fell away and all that remained was the two of them.

Aeryn held her breath; momentarily mesmerized by the tenderness the Commander was showing her. She had never thought that he would ever be capable of showing her this kind of lovingness. She leaned into his touch, hoping to hold that moment between them forever.

“Maker’s breath, but you are beautiful,” Cullen breathed despairingly and seemed to have begun leaning toward her when the loud explosion thudded against the door.

“Time’s up, my dear Herald!” Dorian piped up from his place near the throne.

The moment was broken forever, the Commander turned back to the door, battle ready, “Cast your spell! You have as much time as I can give you!”

Aeryn dashed up to the throne, ready to run through the portal as soon as it appeared, or else stay behind with this future Cullen forever, dooming the past to relive this hellish place.

Dorian was frantically manipulating the amulet in his hands, working its complex magic to allow the portal to appear.

The door rumbled ominously as the Commander shrugged his shoulders, seeming to try and relax his muscles as he began to speak, positioning his sword ahead of him, “My Creator, judge me whole.”

Aeryn twisted back to the lone man against the door, her heart thudding in her chest, fear triggering her blood to roar in her ears.

The door rumbled once more and then broken wide open. What came through the door stunned Aeryn as a horde of Venatori marched through the door accompanied by several demons, one of which threw into the room a lifeless Cassandra as if she were waste.

Cullen rushed forward, using the Chant of Light as his battle cry.

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt,” he slashed at an incoming Venatori, spinning to run his blade through another behind the first. Aeryn couldn’t rip her eyes away from him and the battle below. She found herself being drawn to the battle, her staff in hand to rush to the Commander’s aid.

Dorian’s voice cut through the battle as he gripped her arm, “You move and we all die!”

Aeryn found herself spinning between the two men. Dorian had yet to actually open the portal to the past, yet the amulet pulsated with the same kind of energy right before Alexius first sent them into the future. But she also found herself spinning back around to her Commander, valiantly fighting against the enemy to buy them- no, her- time.

“AND the wicked and do not falter!” Cullen ripped a shield from one of the Venatori, using it to deflect an arrow that came screaming from behind the demons. “Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the ju-

Aeryn’s breath was sucked out of her lungs as a demon ripped his shield away from him, causing him to lose his footing. As his knee hit the floor, an arrow came careening through the air and pierced deep into his chest.

She didn’t know what happened exactly next, but all she knew was a scream ripping from her throat and a bright burst of chain lightning as she flew to Cullen’s side. Allowing her Fade Step to hasten to his side, Aeryn threw up a Static Cage to momentarily halt the oncoming attacks. Cullen was stumbling to the ground, clutching his chest at the base of the arrow buried in his flesh. Aeryn went to his side to lift him off the floor, totally left unaware of a Venatori attacker that had escaped her cage, quickly racing to bury his blade into the Herald of Andraste's backside. Without missing a beat, Cullen lurched up and slid his sword down to the hilt in the assailant's own chest.

Aeryn spun around, grabbing at the Commander as he once again fell to the floor. “Come on!” she screamed as she yanked at his armor, trying to pull him up.

In her peripheral, Dorian was frantically waving and yelling at her as the amulet began to slowly open the portal. Cullen then grabbed her by the waist and ran her to the throne, followed closely by Venatori as the Static Cage dissipated.

The enlarging portal already swallowed up Dorian, sending him back to the past. Aeryn, over Cullen’s shoulder, once again threw out a Static Cage with her remaining mana, futilely trying to buy them some time and space for them to return to a year previous.

As they neared the portal, Cullen came to halt before the mouth of it. He fell to his knee once again, Aeryn trying hopelessly to get him to rise to his feet, “Come on, Cullen! They’ll be free any second!”

“Get out of here, Aeryn!” Cullen pushed her away, trying to throw her into the portal, but his strength was failing him.

“No! I won’t leave you!!” Aeryn screamed, again trying to push him up with her toward the portal.

Cullen, suddenly noticing the Static Cage again failing behind him, rose up on his feet one last time and desperately clutched her close to him so that she was pressed up against the hard planes of his body. Taking her face into his hands, he harshly pressed a hard kiss onto her lips.

In the millisecond life of that kiss, Aeryn again felt the world fall away around her until there was only him and his lips upon hers. She had never imagined how they would have felt on hers, but to say that it was an earth-shattering kiss would be an understatement. All of his fear, desperation, and strength bled out of him and into her. Aeryn froze for a breath, but then leaned into the kiss, returning it with all of her being, desperately clutching herself to him as if he were the only thing keeping her alive.

Before she could register what was really happening between the two of them, she felt herself being pushed hard into the portal, leaving his arms. Cullen had used her moment of distraction to forcefully throw her into the portal, not even giving her time to think about what was occurring to her.

Aeryn opened her eyes as a bright flash began to flood her senses, but not before a demon’s bladed fingers burst through Cullen’s chest from behind him, ripping him open, gore spilling out onto the floor.

The last thing Aeryn heard before the portal closed was her scream of his name.


	2. An Uncertain Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning from the dark future of Redcliffe, Aeryn has to face the Commander...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have finally completed the next chapter in this little thought experiment.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! And comments and kudos are always appreciated :)

Aeryn emerged from the portal into Redcliffe’s grand hall, throat raw from the scream that had just ripped through her mouth. The memory that caused that scream was forever etched into her mind: the life draining from his crimson-tinged eyes as the demon tore open his chest right after pushing her through the portal. The desperation of her survival taking presentence over his own -though she knew too well that his own demise would be soon approaching as the red lyrium would destroy his body, but sense was not on her mind at that time.

The scene was slowly coming into view as the brilliant green light from the time portal began to recede; a scene eerily familiar to her but completely bizarre to her compared to the possible future she had just escaped from.

Cassandra and Varric, surrounded by the Inquisition's forces, stood dumbfounded as the Inquisitor reappeared from nowhere, bent double-over, electricity crackling in her clenched fists as they ground themselves into the ground. Dorian rushed over to lay a hand on her back.

Turning her head slightly, she eyed the Tevinter Magister crumbling to his knees in defeat.

_I will make him pay for what he has done…_

After taking a moment to gather the mantle of the Herald of Andraste, sole survivor of the Conclave, Andraste’s chosen, she stood up, trying to gather any grace she had left. She ran a hand through her long silver-blonde tresses before stalking over to the Tevinter Magister.

“Surrender,” Aeryn growled, lips curling into a sneer as she lowered her staff in front of that man’s downturned head, rage and hatred barely contained in her storm cloud eyes. Dorian came up beside her, laying a hand gently on her arm.

She regarded him, and he gently shook his head and looked pityingly at the man before them; the man who had intended to erase her from time itself and set events in motion to destroy the world, and deserved no mercy. Aeryn was about to shrug off Dorian’s hand when she noticed his eyes settle on Felix, Alexius’ ill son. The young Tevinter was kneeling before his father, confirming that his father had failed and with that, he would inevitably die from the Blight that he carried.

That was when the ice in her heart began to thaw. Knowing that this man’s only son, who was doomed to die a horrible and agonizing death, was ultimately acting to save his son. The future Alexius was so broken and despondent to prove that life meant nothing once his son was dead (especially when Dorian mercifully cut his throat open in that future to end his friend's pathetic existence). Nothing Aeryn had experienced could combat with that feeling absolute hopelessness and defeat.

Aeryn felt her staff lower before the Magister and grimly turned away, unable to deal with the conflict raging in her heart.

Things moved quickly after that their return to the present: Alexius was captured, the rebel mages, now leaderless, were kicked out of Redcliffe by King Alistair of Ferelden and granted a full alliance with the Inquisition by the Herald -a decision that would garner up much dismay with members of the Inquisition’s leaders.

That evening, the Inquisition’s forces set up camp outside of Redcliffe’s wall. Aeryn had yet to speak about the events that occurred in the possible year ahead, beyond relaying to Cassandra about the plot to assassinate the Queen of Orlais and throw the country into chaos. They both concluded that once Orlais was laid low, this “Elder One” would be able to march across Thedas with his demon army. But where would he get these demons? How would he assassinate the Empress? Could the Inquisition even be able stop these events in time, not even knowing when or how they would occur? So many questions that neither of them were able to answer at that time.

Cassandra and Aeryn both discussed over their evening meals around the campfire their next moves once their return to Haven. But once their discussion began to wind down, Cassandra turned to their captains to discuss their movements back to Haven and their preparations for the mages to settle into their ranks. That was when Aeryn’s mind began to wonder.

No matter how much she tried to ignore it or pretend it was just a figment of her imagination, Commander Cullen of the future had _kissed_ her. **_Why?_**   Was it just a tactic to distract her from aiding him? She could hardly imagine the stern, yet amiable Commander doing that now. Though they were on strained terms at times, there was a budding kinship between the two. Aeryn really couldn’t pinpoint it because there were times when she had visited him in her spare time between adventuring out into Ferelden that she felt a calmness around him, as if she could talk to him about anything. She had even embarrassed him when she complimented him over his passion for the Inquisition. Even now, she could feel a smile spread across her face in memory of how the tips of his ears would turn a pale shade of red at her speech.

But then when they were in the War Room together with all the advisors, the Commander would almost seem callous. One of the last things that he said to her before she left for Redcliffe ate her, “If you go in there you’ll die, and we’ll lose the only means to close rifts. I won’t allow it.”

As soon as he said it, Aeryn felt her blood boil. So, what was she, a means to an end? An asset to the Inquisition and nothing more? The duality of their relationship bothered her to no end. And yet, she couldn’t help but be drawn to him. Perhaps, he felt the same? Did he really have deeper feelings for her beyond professionally?

When she arrived in Haven, Aeryn immediately called for the War Council to convene as soon as her feet touched the ground from her stead. She marched into the War Room, quietly brooding as she listened to Cassandra report what Aeryn had already told her. She knew her demeanor was surprising to her advisors, who were used to her easy-going nature. She could feel the discomfort around her silence. 

Eventually she divulged everything that had happened in Redcliffe, retelling all of the necessary information of the dark future. She would stop from time to time to scan her advisor's reactions to her report, but she couldn’t look Cullen. She felt as if her eyes were being repelled by him, in fear of her seeing that same face that held so much fear and concern for her that her wall around her heart would come crumbling down. She carefully left out the events that occurred after Alexius was killed in that possible future. She knew she would break apart then.

The War Council was fairly silent during the retelling of everything until she spoke of the full alliance with the mages, then the room split in arguments. Leilana and Josephine defended Aeryn's decision grant full equality to the mages, while Cassandra and Cullen feared of the possibilities the mages brought to Haven.  

“Possessions will be a real threat now, being this close to the breach. What in Andraste’s name were you thinking, Herald?” Cullen growled threateningly toward Aeryn. That was when Aeryn looked at him; the Commander was growing faint red blossoms on his creeks (was there a hint of it on the tips of his ears as well?). His eyes held real anger that Aeryn felt was totally directed at her.

“I made a decision when one was needed. Imprisoning mages was what had gotten us into the Mage-Templar Conflict in the first place, we cannot continue that same course of action,” Aeryn argued back, trying to match his gaze. If she was going to fall apart, she might as well be angry about it.

Cullen pinched his nose, squeezing his eyes shut, “How many lives will be lost just to give the mages freedom? If only you had left them under our supervision, I could have had our Templars watch over them, to ensure their safety from possession.”

Aeryn felt a wave of heat rise in her cheeks, “Is that what you're worried about? Mages becoming Abominations? Have we seen any yet on our travels? Have _I_ become one yet? Is that what you fear? That you’d lose your precious Mark, leaving the Inquisition with nothing to fix the world? I never asked for this!”

“We know, Herald,” Leianna interrupting, “We are grateful for what you have done, past and future.”

“Enough!” Cassandra piped in, tired of the circular arguments, “The mages are here, and the Herald acted when none of us could. Let’s deal with what we have rather than what could have been done.”

The Council continued discussing what needed to be done next, with Aeryn keeping unusually quiet. She could feel the boiling anger underneath her skin, making her hand clench and unclench into tightly fists, at times, so hard that it made her knuckles crack.

When Cassandra finally ended the session, Aeryn leaned over the map of Thedas that covered the War Table, waiting for everyone to clear the room. She closed her eyes and exhaled forcefully through her nostrils as her advisors uncomfortably shuffled out the room.

That must have been why the future Cullen had kissed her, to distract her long enough to shove her in the time portal, ensuring the survival of the Mark. In her stupidity of trying to save him, he knew she wouldn't do what was needed to be done, he was only concerned about preventing that future from happening, not about her, but the Mark. That _would_ be a move a general would make in a last ditch effort: ensure the safety of your ultimate weapon and exploit your opponent’s weakness to get what you want.

Aeryn thought that she was alone when the door shut behind her. She expelled air out of her mouth, ready to unleash several curses that had been building in the back of her throat, when she noticed the Commander standing in front of the closed door.

_Oh, wonderful._

“Herald,” Cullen cleared his throat uneasily, “I couldn’t help but feel that there is some… Antagonistic feelings directed at myself during the War Council today.”

“Antagonistic? Aren’t you wordsmith,” Aeryn felt the malice roll off her tongue. She was ready to show the Commander what the Herald could do. 

“See? There it is again!” The Commander stood up taller, rising to the bait, “I am not sure what happened to you in Redcliffe, but I am a little confused at what all this anger is about. Last I checked, I haven’t even spoken a word to you since you left for Redcliffe and I can’t imagine what I have done to deserve this treatment.”

“Are you worried? Scared that I’ll become an Abomination?” Aeryn stepped closer to the Commander, lifting her face to attempt to match his (even if it was futile as short as she was).

“Wha- No! Maker, is this about what I said about the mages?” Cullen’s eyebrows arched up in surprise at the fieriness in Aeryn’s voice and eyes, “Look, I don’t agree with your decision, but I do respect it-”

“Oh, sure. I know it would be better to lock up us scary mages, but I made a decision when you couldn't. You all would still be debating whether to go to Mages or Templars if it wasn't for me. But, don’t worry. Soon the Breach will be closed and you’ll have no more use of the Mark. I’ll be sure to keep it safe until then.” Aeryn made a move to pass the Commander, but he blocked the doorway with his girth.

“Is that what you think? That we only care about the Mark?” Cullen’s voice grew soft with his words, surprising Aeryn with the quietness that had replaced his usual commanding baritone.

“Oh, don’t worry. You have made it abundantly clear, past _and_ future, that the Mark is what's important to you. You’re only doing what a good general would do, keep your asset safe for ready for use in this war. I completely understand, " Aeryn tried to use the most sarcastic voice she could muster, "As soon as the Breach is sealed, I won't disrupt your little Inquisition any longer.”

Aeryn again attempted to push past the Commander, but he sidestepped slightly to again block her, this time pushing her back in the room.

“Past and future? What do you- What happened in the future? Was I there?” Cullen scrutinized the Herald.

“Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. I don’t have time for this,” Aeryn threw up her hands in annoyance, trying a third time to pass the Commander, but still time, he stopper her in front of him.

“What happened? What has caused you to have such- such wrath towards me?” Cullen asked again, his eyes searching hers, making her anxious in their scrutiny. She could feel the rage slowly melting into the despair that she had experienced back in Redcliffe. She squeezed her eyes shut, biting her lip.

“What did I do?” Cullen’s voice softened, his hands hesitatingly settled on her arms.

“Did I hurt you?” His voice was barely above a whisper, making Aeryn's insides seize. 

Aeryn lifted her eyes to his, and there again was that same sadness that she saw in that dark future. The red lyrium may have been missing, but the sorrow was still there in his flaxen eyes. Being this close, and not being polluted by the red lyrium that had poisoned his body, she noticed that his eyes were speckled with different shades of gold that rimmed his pupils. That was when her defenses crumbled.

“You died,” Aeryn squeaked out, her throat suddenly becoming tight, “You sacrificed yourself for me, and you died.”

Feeling the threat of tears and terrified to let Cullen see them, she quickly shrugged out of his hands and fumbled for the door. For some reason, Cullen didn’t stop her this time as Aeryn bolted out of the room, running through the Chantry, desperately covering her face so that the faithful wouldn’t see the Herald of Andraste's eyes streaming tears down her face.

She left the Commander stunned in his tracks in the open door of the War Room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to expand this story to 3 chapters, mainly because I want to develop my characters' feelings and actions that will lead to my version of the destruction of Haven. I'm thinking that I may revamp my "Icy Musings" piece to incorporate these events from here. Maybe I'll attempt to do a full-blown novelization of my retelling of Dragon Age: Inquisition? I don't know... ;)


	3. A Bright New Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aeryn is distraught by what she saw in the future at Redcliffe. Now, she has to deal with her overwhelming feelings as the Commander pushes her into divulging the events there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry for the long delay!! I have been so busy this year that it is absolutely insane! I teach 7th grade Language Arts and I took on far more responsibilities that I ever have (planned a dance, a talent show, an overnight field trip...) School is finally almost out and I'm getting back into writing! Hopefully I can begin to shell out more stuff shortly!

Aeryn ran wildly out the Chantry. On her mad race to escape everything, the Commander, the pilgrims, her responsibilities, she pushed open the heavy gates at the entrance of the make-shift home of the Inquisition and sprinted toward the forest beyond the frozen lake. Normally, the dock on the lake was one of her favorite spots to sit alone and contemplate, but that was not nearly far enough. She raced through the conifers on the slopes beyond Haven, still wanting to get further away from Haven.

As she ran, all she could see was those golden eyes, filled with regret and worry. His eyebrows furrowed over those eyes, clearly worried about her reaction. Maybe he feared that she was too emotionally compromised to be able to carry on as the Herald. What if he wanted to lock her in chains as the Templars always wanted to do to Mages? What if she was made Tranquil? Would her hand still work? Would the Inquisition care? And more importantly, would he?

Then, his eyes shifted in her mind from gold to crimson, but the expression never changed. If anything, it intensified. She remembered the feel of his fingers resting on her cheek. The tenderness that shown through at that moment. The sound of her name on his lips…

She could still feel his arms around her as he pushed her toward the portal and the inexorable feel of his lips on hers in that moment of desperation. If only she could have saved him… If only he had actually meant that kiss because he cared for her, and not to distract her. But there _had_ to be something there… He wouldn’t have put so much _feeling_ into it if he didn’t. Right?

Of course, what followed was beyond soul-rending as she saw his armor peel away as his blood spilled out. The light in his eyes faded as he fell limp against the claws of the terror demon-

“Stop it!” Aeryn slammed her fists against her temples as the tears fell renewed down her reddened cheeks. She continued to run, pushing past branches and snow drifts. Her feet didn’t slow until she began to climb the slow incline toward the mountains. The pines were behind her, the druffalo scattered away from her labored, heavy pants as her leg muscles screamed against the rise of the terrain.

Aeryn pushed herself as far as her endurance could take her. She not a sprinter by any means; she could run for ages, but at a slow jog. Not a frantic race to escape herself and her troubles, which she wasn’t exactly winning.

Falling against stone, Aeryn heaved her breath forcefully, the icy air ripping at her throat and lungs. She could feel a tickle in her nose, knowing that mucous threatened to leak unceremoniously from her nose. She tried to her best to wipe her nose and tears against her sleeve, laughing sardonically at herself. What an inspiring image: the famed Herald of Andraste, sodden cheeked and wet-nosed in the cold, without so much as a jacket to cover her small frame, to guard her against the cold.

Aeryn huffed in spite of herself, looking at the stone which she had stumbled across. It was the large granite boulder that was situated in the middle of the clearing past the pines. She had ran across this little meadow before when she first arrived in Haven, exploring the surrounding areas to see what was around.

Now, she found herself exhausted and the boulder had a flat top. Perfect for being alone. The snow had stopped falling for once and the moons shown bright in the green-tinted sky, not veiled by clouds. The Breach above the ruined Temple of Sacred Ashes seemed a bit subdued, not bleeding out as far in the inky blue of night. Aeryn could actually make out the constellations, something that she had missed painfully when she tried to gaze up at them after the Conclave, only to see them blotted out by the surreal green stain of the Breach.

Aeryn hauled herself slowly onto the top of the boulder. She seated herself, pulling her knees into her chest as she leaned her head back to gaze that the stars. A favorite class of hers at the Circle was Astronomy, studying charts and looking through telescopes. She missed those late nights gazing at the unknown, wondering about the stars and beyond. Now, she didn’t have time for such fancies; she had too many responsibilities, too many people to inspire, too many to keep safe.

She had already done an abysmal job so far. She was only one person; not a holy saint to save the mass or the terrorist trying to bring down the Chantry. She was only one mage against the world. Even time itself was against her.

Feeling altogether pathetic, Aeryn lowered her head into the crux of her arms holding her knees. Too many feelings threatened to consume her and she was glad no one was around to watch her fall apart.

“Herald?”

Or so she had thought. Her shoulders tensed at the soft call, snow crunching underneath boots. Of course it had to be him. It couldn’t have been Dorian, or Varric. Or, Maker, even Cassandra. It had to be HIM.

“Go. Away,” Aeryn called from under her arms. She involuntarily tightened her arms around herself, trying uselessly to barricade herself from him.

Cullen’s steps slowed as he drew closer to her on her perch. She half expected him to try to convince her to come back to the village. But she had already set up her defense, ready to brave the cold to stay away from Haven. AND from him.

But he didn’t speak or push her for an explanation. For a few seconds, she thought she had imagined him coming to her for how quiet it had become, until she heard his armor clanking softly as he scaled atop of the granite stone. It took a few moments for him to climb the rock and settle himself upon it. Then he fell silent. She could feel his presence near her. His calm breath as he rested beside her, the softest of rustles as clothes touched metal.

She tried her best to hate him, trying to pry his way into her business, and not leave her be with her sorrow. But it was useless. He was already in her soul. He seared himself there forever with that soul-wrenching kiss in that distant alternate reality.

A shiver ran through Aeryn’s body as she realized how stupid it was to run out here without anything to brace herself against the cold. She tried her best to not let her teeth chatter, but she felt them clack against her will. Suddenly she was enveloped in warmth, a heavy, furred thing that tickled her ears.

Looking up, she saw the Cullen had shed himself of his maned mantle and settled it across her shoulders. As he settled back down near her, Aeryn half-wanted to throw it away. Toss it into the snow below, but she snuggled deeper into it, relishing in the warm it held.

As well as the smell. The scent was only one that could have only come from the Commander. Musk, leather, and armor oil. Surprisingly, she found herself breathing it deeply into her nose. She reveled in the familiarity of it, as well as the waves of emotions that ran through her at that moment.

As she settled into his mantle, Cullen remained silent. Perhaps he was appalled at her apparent disregard of her own safety by running beyond the gates of Haven, not even bearing a layer of warmth to brave the cold. He didn’t seem to show any anger or frustration toward her so far, but she had made a purpose of not looking at him directly. There were too many emotions on the edge, threatening to spill out.

They remained that way for quite some time. Commander sitting with his Herald, silent and resolute. He reminded her of a Mabari standing guard: always ready, always loyal.

Then, out of the blue, he chuckled. Aeryn turned toward him to see him with his face turned upward to the stars. “You know, I used to look at the stars quite often when I was a boy,” a small smile lifted his lips. His position to her didn’t allow her to see the scar that bisected his lips on the left side. A small part of her wished she could see it lifted with his smile.

Cullen continued, “I never could remember the constellations, however, no matter how hard I tried. My sister Mia had no problem remembering some of them, but I always would stumble when she teased me about the fact I couldn’t even pick out one.” Aeryn could hear the innocence tinge the memories of his childhood. She knew of the Knight-Captain of Kirkwall. She had heard the rumors and deeds he committed there. But she could never equate that version of him to what sat beside her today. Of course he was steely and cold when he needed to be, but there was always a small bit of warmth that followed when you got him to talk casually. It was as if for a moment, he lost those years of tragedy and pain, and was the young, eager Templar she knew he was when he first went out from Honneath.

For a moment, they just saw there, Cullen looking at the stars and Aeryn looking at him through his mantle. “Blast it! You would think that I would be able to pick out at least one Maker-forsaken star out of the blooming sky,” Cullen growled quietly under his breath, though it was a half-hearted rumble. Aeryn tore her eyes away from Cullen and back to the celestial bodies above.

She lifted her hand above. “That set of stars there,” She drew out a pattern of a diamond and two triangles on each side, “That one is Judex.”

Cullen tilted his head toward her pointed finger, watching her draw out the dagger constellation above. He shook his head, “See, I just don’t see it. It’s just a jumble of dots.”

Aeryn narrowed her eyes at him and turned her gaze back to the star, “You really can’t see it? Judex is one of the simplest to find! Look again,” Aeryn shifted closer to the Commander, tucking her shoulder underneath his as she pointed back to the constellation. She tried to align her outstretched arm with his line of sight. Again, she slowly traced the outline of the six bright stars that bore the name of Judex.

“See? Those bright stars? The ones that look like a dagger,” she explained as her fingers drew over the pattern again. She could almost feel Cullen’s gaze follow her arm.

“What? Those really bright ones?” Cullen pointed his own arm alongside hers, pointing out the six points of the constellation. Aeryn nodded her consent as she dropped her arm, Cullen huffed his acknowledgement. Aeryn dared a look up toward the man that loomed over her. His eyes still remained above, obviously memorizing the pattern Aeryn had pointed out. Never had she shown someone a constellation and they actually take interest in what she was showing. Of course, he started it, trying to distract her from herself, but she quickly fell into line with it. He seemed to actually care, genuinely interested in what she had to say.

Almost overcome with feelings she was unaccustomed with, Aeryn felt herself draw in, once again, tightly gripping her knees.

Cullen seemed to notice, turning his gaze back to her as she seemed to curl into herself.

“Whatever happened in Redcliffe,” he began, carefully choosing his words, “it’s over. It’s been done. Know that even though I may ha-have died there, I would do it again if it meant to save you.”

Aeryn felt a sudden rush of rage flow in her veins. Of course, he would say that, he had to make sure that Mark was safe in order to save the world. Though she knew rationally that he should be ok with doing such an act, but she couldn’t help the anger that coursed through her at that moment.

Aeryn listened as Cullen, to her surprise, continued, as if he heard her innermost thoughts, “And it would not be because of the Mark on your hand…”

Aeryn lifted her head in confusion, feeling an eyebrow cock up at him in question. Cullen looked directly at her, making sure to hold contact with her as he spoke. “You-” He sighed, “You have become a dear friend to me. I don’t think anyone has ever tried to get to know me, beyond what they need from me. Though I think you enjoy annoying and irritating me at times with your impulsive behavior,” Aeryn opened her mouth to protest, but Cullen promptly shook his head, silencing her.

“You’re worth the sacrifice.”

He held her gaze with a fiery golden glow, though Aeryn would have loved to drown in those eyes if she could, if they didn't actually set her aflame in her spot. “More than you know, Herald.”

The two sat again in silence, each just satisfied in each other’s company. Aeryn returned her eyes to the sky, her heart still tumbling with emotions, but she had felt more at ease than she had since she had arrived back from the future.

Finally, Aeryn broke the silence, “Aeryn.”

“What?” Cullen inquired at the sudden intrusion of her voice.

Aeryn turned back to the man beside her, “Could you please call me Aeryn? Herald is just so… Formal. Like "Divine". Drives me crazy.”

Cullen’s gaze soften, as another smirk twisted his lip. This time, she saw the scar lift. “Aeryn. I accept calling you Aeryn, if,” Cullen paused for dramatic tension, “you call me Cullen. No more of the Commander nonsense.”

Aeryn felt herself smile for the first time that day, as she outstretched a hand out, “I believe a deal has been struck.”

Cullen took the offered hand, giving it a strong shake. “Very good. But now,” Cullen turned back to the sky, “show me another. Maybe I’ll get the hang of these constellations yet if you properly instruct me.”

Aeryn couldn’t help the roll of her eyes, but she sighed and gave in. “You see that star there?” She pointed again, enjoying the ease of his company. That dark future had happened, nothing she could do could change that. But now was something completely new, and she was going to make the best out of it that she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote this in one go. I try to proofread, but I believe I am one of the absolute worst proofreaders ever! (And I teach writing! Haha!) I loved this little scene with Cullen and Aeryn stargazing. My father and I used to do the same thing, me tucked under his arm as he tried to show me a constellation I never could see. To this day, I can't really pick any out, though he shows me the same ones over and over again. Maybe I'll eventually learn like Cullen? Haha!


End file.
